Rebuilding cannot happen unless something is destroyed first. The literal definition is to “build again after it has been damaged or destroyed.” There are a lot of heavy things that come with rebuilding: pain, joy, anger, even peace. But, the opportunity is ripe. It means you get to choose exactly what you construct and who is allowed in this new, magnificent creation of your life. It’s your opportunity to re-create life from the ground up.
I say the word opportunity because: a) I’m a terribly hopeless romantic and b) I believe in the power of words and intentions. Rebuilding is an opportunity, not a curse, because the power of choice and the leverage is back in your corner.
Here are a few things I’ve learned while rebuilding that will hopefully help any unplanned construction in your future:
SIT WITH YOUR LOSS
Remember, something was destroyed and it felt like it destroyed you, but it didn’t. I lost what I would consider my entire life, overnight. In 24 hours, I lost my home, my relationships, my life … and I moved somewhere where I knew no one and had no job and no money. Ouch! It wasn’t until I finally sat with my heartache that I was able to begin to feel again. Every night, I would sit in silence, and let what needed to come to the surface pour out of me. No phone, no TV, nothing. Just me and the pieces of my life I still had left. Once I gathered those pieces, rebuilding became a possibility. But, I then had to change the way I viewed things.
SHIFT YOUR PERSPECTIVE
If you accept your destruction as permanent, you will be stuck in permanence. It’s time to change the way you perceive things. Your focus must shift to the opportunity before you. You must accept that whatever happened in your life happened because something better is out there, and it’s up to you to cultivate it.
That means you must be impeccable with your self-talk. You cannot talk negatively to yourself, or about your life, to yourself or others. Have you heard the term, “fake it ‘til you make it?” Well, kiddo … it’s true. Sometimes you have to will yourself to a better life, and the miracles that happen will astonish you. This also means not falling into the same behavioral patterns as before. That may mean cutting out certain self-destructive activities; perhaps even people. After you’ve picked up the usable pieces and gotten rid of the destructive ones, you have to choose the focal point of your new creation.
READ MORE
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CHOOSE YOUR CENTERPIECE
One of the hardest things in life is to build your life around something intangible. The beauty of rebuilding around something intangible is it is untouchable; it cannot be destroyed or ruined by any exterior forces. It’s wonderful to have a balanced life with a job and a companion, but where does your peace lie? Your peace is that piece of you no one gets to touch, but you. That piece is your peace. Where do you invest that piece? In your career? In another person?
Your peace is the foundation your entire reconstructed life relies upon; therefore it has to be something stronger than the tangible. Everyone is different. Everyone needs something specific to him or her. I have found my peace lately in the sunset. I have always loved running, and that’s when I usually pray the most. I crank up some tunes, run until my legs give out and talk it out with God. Moving to Florida has meant witnessing some of the most beautiful sunsets I’ve ever seen. So, I began running during the sunset each night. I had a friend finally say, “Daina, do you realize you plan your entire day around the sunset?” It’s where I am placing the pieces of me that create my peace. No matter what happens, as long as there is breath in my body, the sun will rise and set each day. My peace cannot be destroyed, unless I allow it to be.
Find your sunset. Sit with your pain. Change how you speak to yourself and others. Remind yourself every night that you are in control of rebuilding your peace.
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