Just Say It


My work involves coaching men in becoming more effective in their lives. We look to achieve tangible results in specific areas. One area is in having a tough conversation.

Tom Kelley

Having a conversation is a pretty straight forward thing. Two or more people talking and getting their points across. But include the variable of not wanting to do it and you have a tough conversation on your hands. There are many possible reasons for this; fear of being judged, self worth issues, trying to avoid confrontation etc. This leads to procrastination, resistance and all manner of avoiding behavior.

Overcoming this common phenomenon starts with ownership. Ownership of my part of the conversation. Ownership of my reactions to what is happening and nothing else.

The goal is to reach the point where someone else’s reaction to what you say (whether it be a compliment, idea, or concern) does not dictate either:

  • your mood
  • your self-worth
  • or what you say next

The stance is, “I am doing this because I want to and I think it is the right thing to do or say right now.”

The feeling inside is, “How you react will be interesting and filled with information… but it will not hijack me. It is your reaction, your stuff,” and “I am unattached to the outcome. The outcome is not why I am doing it. I own my stuff and you own yours”

Caroline Myss has a great quote about this , I paraphrase, “Do not bring your negative, fear-based thoughts into my energized, positive and centered experience.”

Getting to this point is aided by various practices like Mindfulness, Meditation, and NonViolent Communication.


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Photo Credit: Flickr/Andreas Bloch


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