We may not actually be from Mars or Venus, but the biological truth is that men and women have fundamental differences—one of which is the way(s) we communicate. Like any language barrier, misinterpretation can lead to, let’s say, unsavory results.
While we could refer back to a study from ancient times (2013) that showed women speak 13,000 more words per day than men (due to production of the Foxp2 protein in their brains…the same protein that makes male rats chattier than their female counterparts), this is not about science and chemistry.
This is about developing deeper connections, increasing confidence, and building stronger relationships with the women in our lives.
Pay excessively close attention to her body…language.
Any communications expert (which I am not) will tell you that 80% of all communication, is non-verbal. It is easy to make a woman uncomfortable, or comfortable, without saying a word.
This is particularly important given the current landscape in our society, with everyone keeping a close eye on inappropriate behaviors or harassment. Getting too close or making unwelcome advances are a big problem—and many people would ask, how we are supposed to know whether or not our advances are welcome until we actually make them?
Read. Her. Body. Language. Is she playing with her hair while she talks to you? Are her shoulders pointed directly at you, or does she look like she’s about to run away? Is she leaning closer to you, or away from you? Small hints and cues tell an important story, and paying close attention to them can save you a lot of frustration.
A lot of people disagree with me on this, but here’s the thing—they’re wrong.
Whether you’re talking on a dating app, on social media, or texting, this is probably the first or second most frequent way you’re communicating with a woman you’re interested in. That means you’ve got to get it right.
Emojis (used as accents…not excessively) allow you to add cuteness and emotion to what you’re saying. Winks, or kissy faces, or hearts (if you’re at that stage) completely change the tone of your message and help add some extra flirtiness.
Textiquette is incredibly important, even down to your comma use and the way you construct your sentences. Proper grammar and spelling make a big difference. Make sure you don’t sound like a robot typing out short, bulleted sentences. Dating should be fun. ?
See, a smiley face.
Speaking of smiles, I know you’re super-cool-tough-guy-man and all, but a wide, genuine smile will open more doors than any pickup line could ever hope to.
Whether you are walking into a restaurant, ordering a coffee, or approaching a woman at that charity event your brother invited you to, a big smile with your hello will help to increase comfort and confidence. Just don’t be weird about it—she shouldn’t be able to count all of your teeth while you’re talking to her.
Understand she’s a human being just like you.
A lot of men grow up seeing women as these fabled creatures from fairy tales and billboards. We aren’t taught how to properly interact with, approach, or understand “them”. Ultimately, this leads to a mental separation we make between the genders, and a complete lack of smoothness when it comes time to actually communicate.
On the flip side, some men speak to women like they are subordinate or less intelligent—stop it.
It doesn’t matter if she’s famous, the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen, or the local librarian in your small town—she is a human being just like you, who enjoys being spoken to as an equal and an adult. Give respect, get respect.
Actually communicate in the first place.
I find that women talk to women about men, and men talk to men about women—but rarely do the two converge for open, honest dialogue. The more we actually speak to each other, the more we can increase our understanding and respect for each other.
I think we need to build a bridge between men and women and stop dividing people by political party, gender, race, and religion. We are all humans who experience the same feelings and emotions, and the more people you talk to and get to know, the more you see how true this is.
The more of us who are out there being good men and effectively communicating with women, the more we can turn down the heat on the collective tension that’s permeating society these days. You don’t have to do a lot to make a difference, just do your part.
Now, go say hello to someone, and let me know how it goes.
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