Podcast #379: How to Spot Red Flags in a Relationship

Research has consistently shown that a good marriage can significantly improve a man’s happiness and quality of life.

But a bad marriage can make you utterly miserable, and even ruin you financially as well.

While many men chalk up the odds of a successful marriage to the luck of the draw, my guest today argues that by looking for certain red flags in a relationship, as well as certain positive attributes, you can avoid getting involved in a draining marriage, and instead marry someone who will make your life better.

His name is Shawn Smith. He’s a clinical psychologist based in Denver and the author of The Tactical Guide to Women: How Men Can Manage Risk in Dating and Marriage. Today on the show, Shawn and I discuss the risks and rewards of love and the mistakes he’s seen men make over and over again in his counseling practice when it comes to dating and marriage. Shawn then shares the script most men follow to find a partner, why that script can backfire on them, and a better, alternative script men should use instead. Shawn then walks us through the character traits men should be looking for in a woman and the changes men should make to ensure they have a fulfilling marriage. He then explains why “happy wife, happy life” is terrible advice and what to do if your marriage isn’t doing well right now.

Show Highlights

The risks people face in the dating and marriage game
The legal and health statistics of how divorce affects men
The biggest mistakes men make when choosing a dating or marriage partner
Why sliding into an ambiguous relationship is so unhealthy
The script that most men follow in choosing a mate, i.e., how men and women size each other up
How do you figure out what a good “fit” really is?
Why it’s so important to know your core values (re: money, sex, big life philosophies)
Why a long relationship is beneficial to that relationship’s health
How our neurobiology changes during and after a relationship’s “honeymoon” period
What women mean when they say “you’ve changed”
How to get your mojo back and reconnect with your wife when you’ve stopped being affectionate
Why men need to maintain connections with other men
Why “happy wife, happy life” is actually terrible advice
The false dichotomy of the “nice guy” problem
The “bright triad” to look for in women (as opposed to the famous “dark triad”)
5 non-negotiable emotional skills that any potential partner should have
What to do if you and your partner’s values diverge
What to do when you have a partner with mental health or substance abuse problems
How to get to the root problem of an argument or disagreement

Resources/People/Articles Mentioned in Podcast

Listen to the Podcast! (And don’t forget to leave us a review!)

Listen to the episode on a separate page.

Download this episode.

Subscribe to the podcast in the media player of your choice.

Podcast Sponsors

Athletic Greens. The most complete, whole foods supplement available, plus it tastes fantastic. Head over to AthleticGreens.com/manliness and claim your 20 FREE travel packs today.

Harry’s. Upgrade your shave with Harry’s. It’s all I’ve been using for the last few months. Get a FREE Travel Set that includes a razor, blades, and shaving gel when signing up for a shave plan. All you pay is shipping. Visit harrys.com/manliness.

Indochino offers custom, made-to-measure suits at an affordable price. They’re offering any premium suit for just $359. That’s up to 50% off. To claim your discount go to Indochino.com and enter discount code “MANLINESS” at checkout. Plus, shipping is free.

Click here to see a full list of our podcast sponsors.

Recorded with ClearCast.io.